“Wo bu zai zhong guo!” (“I am not in China!”) I cried.

My laoshi (teacher) was confused, and thought perhaps I hadn’t expressed myself properly. “Ni zai nar?” (“Where are you?”) she asked.

“Wo zai wai guo ren di fang.” (“I am in the foreign people’s place.”) I replied, gumly.

And it’s true. I’m not in China – not really. I am in this absurd Westerners’ bubble. I study and socialise only with foreigners, in foreigner populated places. I hardly ever speak Mandarin. I have no idea what is happening in China because I can’t read their news sites, and I’m not talking in a meaningful way to any Chinese on a regular basis.

Here I am, living and breathing in this bizarre parallel universe, and there are all these things happening here, so many things for me to learn about this place – and I am like a blind, deaf and mute woman in their midst.

There is only two hours a week that I am actually in China, and that is when I gatecrash the zhong guo xue sheng (Chinese students’) class. As I step into that room on a Tuesday morning, the effect is immediately transformative. It’s like crossing a national boundary: I enter a space that is inhabited by Chinese, for the Chinese, the Chinese being themselves.

Yes the class is in English, but they are all Chinese. The tutor is Chinese. The material is prepared for Chinese students. They discuss things among each other, as Chinese. Sure, when I speak up I’m like a foreign spice added to the mix, but most of the time I am just a fly on the wall.

Why am I here? I discussed this with an Australian friend, who, in agreement with my sentiment, commented, “if I was here to just have fun, there are better cities to do that. Beijing isn’t a very fun city.”

And it’s true. The nightlife and creative scene has nothing on London, New York, Berlin, even Sydney. The weather sucks. The city is monstrously big, and just cannot compare when it comes to the chilled out, happy-good-times lifestyle of home. Not to mention, most importantly, it has none of the people I care about the most in this world (although don’t get me wrong, potentially some of my new friends here will prove to be lifelong buddies.)

So why am I here? I’m here to be in China. To really be in China. Because I am interested in the people, the culture, and this nation’s future – that will, in many ways, become the future of humanity. And because there is a good chance that I will become so interested, I will want to become a part of what is “going on” here.

Well then, what to do? It’s time I entered China – for real this time, and at least for most of the week. I’m going to start off with the language. From Monday to Thursday, only speak in Chinese. And next semester I want to move out of university dorms and into a share apartment with Chinese – one of whom should speak no English. And I want to meet up with more language partners, and just generally be making more of an effort to speak, speak, speak, connect, bathe, drown in China.