Recently a friend complained about how party conversations inevitably kicked off with the question, “what do you do?” She didn’t feel the answer to that question was necessarily the most accurate portrayal of a person. “After all, people are more than just their jobs,” she commented. While I agreed, I couldn’t help but think that at the same time, what you’ve chosen to do for 40 hours a week does actually say a lot about you. And if you think it doesn’t, that’s probably interesting as well.
Another party question my friends who live overseas commonly complain about is, “where are you from?” Again, a question I am ‘guilty’ of asking anyone I talk to with an accent.
But these are just starting points. And as I said in my last post, the areas of which you are an “expert” in, and therefore a topic upon which you’re likely to know some interesting things about.
Last Friday I went to a party, and just by asking those two questions, discovered some fascinating things about the world:
- In the redesigns of The State Library and the local Surry Hills library, the architecture firms had to consider a group of key users: homeless people, who use the former to go on the internet, and the latter as a great place to catch some z’s.
- Australians waste a hella lot of water, according to someone working in water management. One of the biggest problems is that Australians like to maintain thirsty European-style gardens, rather than grow native plants which are much better suited to our dry climate.
- India is constituted by a crazy number of different cultures, associated by region, each with their own language. My taxi driver came from the Punjab region, which is located half in India, and half in Pakistan – with nothing dividing the two but a border. He says when you’re from Punjab, you’re more Punjabi than you are Indian or Pakistani.
- I already knew Switzerlad was split into the French, German and Italian speakers. And that in the German section they speak a derivative called Swiss-German. But I had no idea that Swiss-German is quite unofficial. It has little unity and is only spoken. All books, forms, signs etc. are written in official German. This Swiss-German was telling me that he could say one sentence to his brother in Swiss-German, and his brother could say it back to him in different Swiss-German. And Swiss-German and German are quite different, it’s not just an accent change, or a few different words. When I asked him to speak one sentence in German, and then again in Swiss-German, the two even had different sentence structure. Missing first-hand experience, I think Australians always grapple with the full extent of the world’s language diversity.
- Denmark is becoming increasingly right-wing. When I brought up the Jyllands-Posten Muhammad cartoons controversy, in which a Danish newspaper printed cartoons which were critical of Islam and would be considered blasphemous to most Muslims, this Dane was quite eager to give me his version of events. Apparently the newspaper had a long and notorious reputation for being offensive to Muslims. The country’s moderate Muslim organisations usually chalked it up, and tolerated these offenses, but this time they decided enough was enough, and began holding public protests … which quickly led to worldwide attention. This Dane, who believes that there is a great disjunction in the West’s portrayal of Islamic culture as fanatical to reality, says that the newspaper was well aware of how much shit-stirring the cartoons would invoke. In fact being deliberately antagonistic, and raising the ire of the Muslim world was all part of the plan.
- Back in the day, Crown Prince of Denmark Federik was a huuuuge player, and a regular fixture in the Danish nightclub scene. I was like, hangon, so he was just out and about in these nightclubs. You could freely go up to him? Yup, said this Dane. In fact he had been in the same nightclub as him several times. Which is why when the Prince married Mary, many Danish women were supremely disappointed. And not in a crazy, stalker way – but in a they-actually-had-a-shot-till-now kind of way.
- You’d think that in communist China the bureaucracy rules by iron fist across the nation. But in fact, regionalised laws and leaders still have a high degree of control, and many transactions are done off the books. For example, you slip the doctor a red packet (of money) if you want top-notch care and if you have a traffic accident, it doesn’t matter if the cop saw it happen, he’ll expect the participating parties to work out the story between them, which will become the official version of events. This was a fascinating discussion in light of the ongoing Rio Tinto case. And as this post points out, perhaps the time of “expat exceptionalism” is coming to an end.
(As always, one should take these “facts” with a grain of salt. In many cases they’re more likely to be opinions.)
Yesterday a friend, currently doing a masters in International Relations, bemoaned to me her perpetual conversions to -isms, depending on what they were studying that week. It was driving her crazy, everyone was right, everyone was wrong. Who was she to believe?
It’s a feeling that I get sometimes when I read one newspaper, only to be contradicted by another. Or even just having a spirited discussion between friends. How are you meant to sort out the truth from the bullshit?
Particularly when the issue at hand is extremely complex. Look at the financial crisis. I have read a hundred pieces that all point to different things as at the heart of where it all went wrong. With each new, very convincing piece, I nod knowingly, so this is what it was! Until the next piece comes along …
Now I have become resigned to the fact that, you can only ever be an expert in one thing, maybe two, three tops.
And that field is likely to be your work, plus a few hobbies. When it comes to your work, you have first hand knowledge. You know the industry, you know the processes, you know the players and rules involved. You’ve read or done more research on this field than any other. You can comment on the media stories and back your opinions with actual experience! And best of all, you have an understanding of what’s true, what’s bullshit, what’s right, what’s wrong.
As for the rest? Well there’s not a lot you can do but bring a compassionate heart, a pinch of skepticism, but mainly, as you have no choice, a high degree of trust. Just as you are an expert of one field, you must trust the experts of other fields, and the media that trust them.
For example, local politics. I know it’s important, but I do find it very difficult to sustain any long-term interest. Perhaps though that’s OK. We can’t all be experts of everything. So every election year, I read a few articles from the Sydney Morning Herald that summarises the policy outlines from each party, and even more usefully, I look to a couple of good friends who are passionate about local politics, to fill me in.
Inevitably, due to political leanings, or demographics, you will drift towards some titles or opinions over others, and that feeling of never being quite certain of the facts will probably never leave you. Your views will be shaky, susceptible to change, and you should unabashedly accept and confess to others with humility, that you’re not sure. I’ve accepted that loss of control, satisfied that there is at least one area that I know intimately, and can make concrete decisions of what’s right and wrong.
(The two exceptions to this rule are jounos and politicians, who must make it their business/ expertise to know a little of everything. They’re experts at knowing who to trust.)
So the next conundrum is, of course, but what field to become an expert at? “What should I do with my life?” another friend bemoaned. He wanted to do something good for the world, but nothing felt like “his calling”, or stood out as “his cause”. It all seemed important, but then the soupiness of it all made them seem unimportant too. What was the point in fixing this part, when that would remain broken? The world was a big, horrible mess.
I nodded. Same for me.
But I said to him, as I’ve said to myself, just pick something. Don’t worry if you find you don’t like it, you can change it later. Just quit the angst machine and do something, because we the world, we the universe, we need you! Now! Being busy!!
I picked something. I want to live in a world where every soul on this planet has their human rights respected. Too many people live without shelter, without work, without education, without healthcare, without safety from violence and persecution. And I want to be involved in work that helps restore some of these rights.
As soon as you pick something, everything else falls into place.
I picked something, and I decided that I had to be able to speak more than one language. And that Mandarin, and Spanish would be the two most useful. So I quit my job in online entertainment journalism early this year, and headed to Argentina to learn Spanish. Now I’m going to Beijing on a one-year scholarship to learn Mandarin.
But that’s a pretty big picture goal I have there. How, precisely, do I want to be involved in humanitarian/ development work? What are my views on the best way to lift people out of poverty?
I realised I needed two more things. Experience and knowledge.
Experience? After my studies, I am going to try and base myself in a developing country (probably a different part of China), and do good work. Will the company be an exact fit of the sort of work I want to do in the long run? Probably not. But that’s OK. I just need some first-hand experience in the field, in the culture. I need to get stuck in there.
Knowledge? I’m going to research this area, and attempt to answer some of those pivotal questions that previously overwhelmed me. It is, after all, an insanely big, complicated topic. There are many different reasons why there is such an imbalance of resources between countries, with a myriad of different political, economic, technological and strategic solutions one could be involved in. And people have overthrown governments, dedicated lives, and loss them, fighting for where they stand on these issues.
And what’s more likely than me understanding the whole picture (which is highly unlikely), is that as I drill down, I will gravitate to something more and more specific. Gravitate towards “my thing”.
Wish me luck, as I do you!
Over the weekend I spotted one of my former pashes. It had been years, he looked older, and it suited him. He was tall, tanned, fit … ah, still sexy.
I love all my former one-night-kisses. I barely knew any of them, and never had the chance to get to know any of them. So they are frozen in time, sketched very lightly into my memory, smelling sweet, looking young, rosy and romantic. Some are them were just breathtakingly gorgeous, it sort of blows me away, even now.
To all the boys with whom I shared just an innocent kiss; to Jonas, Christian, Sven, Dexter, Adrian, Darren, that tall boy with dark curly hair I kissed in Barcelona, the green-eyed Chilean hipster in London, the red-haired Austrian who liked my shoes, and all the other names I can’t recall … thank you!
And I’m sure, when I’m old and grey, I’ll think again of that night when you and I were 20, and we shared a sweet kiss on that crowded dancefloor.*
*Amazingly, yes, they ALL happened on dancefloors!
The following is part three of a series on gay marriage. Head to part one to understand why allowing same-sex couples to marry is so important. In this post I look at what it was like to do some of the things I suggested previously to support gay marriage (which was part two).
Today I called my MP’s office to pledge my support for gay marriage in Australia. Getting in touch with your government representative is one of the most important things you can do. After all they’re in office, largely, to represent YOU.
I thought it particularly important I do this as I happen to live in the Berowra electorate, which means my MP is Philip Ruddock. Mr Ruddock headed up a 2004 amendment that legally defined marriage as an institution between “a man and a woman”, effectively making iron clad a commonly understood law that has never let same-sex couples marry.
When I called the office, I politely explained that I was a member of the electorate, and would like to register my support for gay marriage. I mentioned the bill the Greens had recently entered that would make this possible, and if possible I wanted to talk with Mr Ruddock about this matter.
The woman who answered the phone was perfectly nice, and said the MP was overseas at the moment, but she would pass the message along upon his return (my friend, rather cynically, has suggested that Mr Ruddock isn’t really “overseas” and more likely not interested in taking a call like mine). And also that my name would be added to “the list”. I also asked if it was OK that I send a letter additionally, and she said that was fine.
It was all very easy, and not scary at all.
Head to the Australian Equality Marriage website if you would like tips on contacting your MP.
I backed the call up with a letter that I’m going to reproduce for you now:
To the Hon Philip Ruddock MP,
I’m writing in support of the Marriage Equality Amendment Bill 2009. And as a member of your electorate, I implore you to support this bill as well.
Last weekend, I attended the wedding of a very good friend of mine. It’s the first wedding I’ve been to of ‘my generation’, and I wasn’t sure what to expect. But as we waited for the happy couple to enter the room, friends, family and co-workers gathered together to witness these two primary school teachers begin devoting their lives together – I can assure you there were tears welling in my eyes. It was just so wonderfully moving to see the way they looked at one another that day, so filled with love. Egads it sounds so cheesy, ha, like a daytime movie special. But I guess it’s hard to impart any originality on a rite that so many have gone through, and will go through …
Except one group of our society. One group who will be denied this important, and beautiful aspect of human life, simply because they are attracted to the same sex. It makes no sense!
My dear friend, the primary school teacher, and her husband are not religious. They uttered no religious vow, and, like many others in this country, did not see this as a religious expression. This was a personal expression of their love and devotion to one another. Perhaps, yes, this is also a cultural tradition that was born out of a religious tradition that forbids gay people to get married. But let’s face it, for the majority of this country marriage does not have Christian connotations. And if the majority of us do not view marriage as a Christian rite, then essentially, in Australian culture marriage is not defined as a Christian rite, and therefore the laws of Christianity need not apply to a State sanctioned act. (Of course, each religion and their followers may continue to abide by their own laws, within their own churches and communities.)
I have yet to be offered a single good reason, based on sound ethics, for why gay people should not be allowed to marry. To make the assumption that same sex relationships do not have the same elements of love, devotion and commitment, or the potential to have so once entered into as marriage, is, quite simply, discrimination.
It is my understanding that your amendments led to a legal definition of marriage as an institution between a man and a woman, and that you believe this to be an accurate reflection of the majority of Australians’ definition of marriage. My response to this would be that yes, perhaps this is what is traditionally understood as a marriage. But more because any alternative is not current legal and therefore not practiced or common! I also feel that when really asked, most Australians are comfortable with this definition changing – “getting with the times” so to speak, and moreover, as a leader of this country you must show leadership when the right and honorable thing to do is staring you in the face, even when it’s possibly an “unpopular” thing to do.
Please, let’s end our discriminatory laws. Let us have laws that value each and every human being as equal, and are blind to sexual orientation – which is, after all, simply a part of humanity’s diversity, and one that should not be discriminated against.
I have attached a wide range of point-for-point reasons as to why gay people should be allowed to marry in this country, as taken from the Australian Marriage Equality website.
Many thanks for you time. I would greatly appreciate a response.
I also sent similar versions to Kevin Rudd, Julia Gillard and Malcolm Turnbull.
In addition to this I emailed the Senate Legal and Constitutional Affairs Committee in regards to this new Greens bill. Any Australian citizen can send one (called a submission), and it plays a big role in the success (or failure) of the bill. Please, play your part in taking this nation forward and submit a quick and easy letter via. email. Or for the time poor, here’s an online form that makes it super easy.
And now the most fun part of activism … wearing ribbons!
I’ve made 30 white knot ribbons, which I’m ready to give away to those who email me their address, no matter where you are in the world. By wearing one you are showing to all your support for gay marriage. Please, only email if you’re willing to wear this more than just once or twice, and particularly on August 1, which is a national action day for same-sex marriage. (Click here for instructions on making your own ribbons.)
The following is part two of this post. If you would like to read about why it’s so vital we allow gay people to have the same right to marry as the rest of the country, I highly suggest reading this touching statement on the Australian Marriage Equality website. They also respond point by point to some of the anti-gay rhetoric.
Consider this issue a real opportunity to affect change – and how often do we get to do that? Many problems of the world are so big, so complicated, they leave us feeling powerless as individuals to do anything about it. But bringing about gay marriage in Australia is relatively simple; If you want it, let the government know, and tell others to let the government know.
And when enough do the laws will change.
The day where gay people in Australia are allowed to marry is all but inevitable. But let’s make it happen sooner, rather than later. And let’s, with joy, become a part of that process.
Level: Make It Quick
1. Support the Greens bill: The ball is already rolling. Last month the Greens entered a bill called the Marriage Equality Amendment Bill 2009, which looks like this. If passed, gay people will finally be allowed to marry (yay!). Click here for quick and easy ways you can support this bill.
2. Contact your MP: Make a phone call, send a letter or email, pledging your support of gay marriage. And in that order you have levels of effectiveness.
If you’re not sure of your electorate, just use this Australian Electoral Commission search. Type in your suburb, click “find”, and in the results click the electorate name that comes up to find the name of your MP. Once you have that you can use this page to find their contact details.
The Australian Marriage Equality website lists some great tips for what best to say when contacting your representative.
You can also contact the dudes at the top!
3. Join and/or donate to the AME: The Australian Marriage Equality (AME) is a national organisation working for equal marriage rights for all Australians regardless of their gender or sexuality. Join online, and membership is $40, or $20 for concession. Or donate money.
4. Join a facebook group: Where there’s a cause, there’s facebook! The first lists some great events you can participate in.
- Gay Marriage Rights in Australia (requires login)
- Lets start with just 1,000 people to support Gay Marriage in Australia
- Australian Marriage Equality
5. Wear a white knot: Wear it every day to show your support for marriage equality. Srsly, everyone’s wearing one. Find out more about white knots here, or click here to buy one, or here to find out how to make your own.
Level: Relatively Radical
6. Attend the National Day of Action For Same-Sex Marriage: A national day of protest is happening on August 1, with a wonderful mass illegal wedding ceremony at Darling Harbour. Plus a march from Town Hall to Darling Harbour to protest outside the national Labor conference. Head to the Community Action Against Homophobia website, or facebook page for more details about attendance, getting involved, and registering to marry on that day. (UPDATE: My photos from the event. – 02/08/2009)
7. Meet with your MP: A phone call is one thing, but letting your rep know in person is the best. Again the Australian Marriage Equality website lists tips on how to go about doing this. And contact them once it’s over to let them know how it went.
Hilariously, my MP is Phillip Ruddock who in 2004 introduced a bill that specified marriage to mean the union between “a man and a woman” and is therefore a staunch advocate of keeping gays out of marriage.
Level: Super Hardcore
8. Get involved: The AME are looking for bright-eyed individuals to setup local branches, that can lobby local MPs and educate the community. Get in touch with them if you’re keen.
Many of these national and state/territory lobby groups are also looking for volunteers and members.
9. On top of these things, think about what else can be done, and start putting those ideas into action or pitching them to these lobby groups. One nutty idea I had was to use the online tool The Point, which is a pledge that those who sign make to give money or act only once the pledge has reached a certain number.
For example, as straight, unmarried people, who do have the right to marry, we can promise that once the petition reaches 5 million, we’ll carry out our threat of refusing to get married, until that right is extended to all people of this nation.
10. And most importantly, spread the word. Email this post around. Direct people to the AME’s case for gay marriage. Send invites to your friends from those Facebook groups you joined. Blog about it. Let’s keep this ball rolling!
In my next post I’m going to write about what it was like to do some of the things listed here.
